Love is a child’s most significant emotional need which not only has a big impact on our relationship with them but also nurtures their mental and emotional growth and health.

Each child has a primary love language. If they don’t speak in that primary language, then they won’t feel loved enough. However, it may change over time.

The behavioral expressions of love are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service, also known as the love languages.

1.   Physical touch

Physical touch is the easiest love language to use unconditionally, because parents do not need a special occasion or excuse to make physical contact. A small hug, kiss or pulling cheeks make a child with this love language feel very much loved. The language of touch is not limited to a hug or a kiss but includes any kind of physical contact. We can gently touch a child on the back, arm, or shoulder even when we are busy.

shower them with hugs and kisses

give high5’s

play games that require physical touch, such as ice and water

have tickle fights with them

2.   Words of affirmation

In communicating love, words are powerful; both written and verbal. A child with this love language feels loved when we use encouraging and praising words and phrases. They love compliments; such as “you did a great job in helping your sister”. Praise them for their efforts, not for perfection. Despite being quickly said, these words are not easily forgotten. Remember to make sure that the praise is both true and justified.

write and attach small notes in their tiffin box, with some encouraging words

make a frame out of your child’s painting and write why it means so much to you

when they are upset, tell them reasons why you are proud of them

say ‘I love you’ when he is going to school

3.       Quality time

Spending time together where the child receives your undivided attention. Spend time with your child and give them all your attention. Do things together; keep your phones away while doing so. Children with this primary love language values this time spent together the most.

make eye contact when they are telling something important

have quality conversations- talk about specific events at school, share your thoughts and feelings

cook something together

play games

4.   Gifts

The giving and receiving of gifts can be a powerful expression of love. Which child does not like gifts? But a child with this as their primary love language sees something more than just a gift. They find your love in it. When you buy something as simple as pencil box for your child for his school normally; you could rather wrap it up and give. He would be so excited to open it!

Remember, gifts should not be substitute of your time/presence!

Keep a gift bag with tiny affordable presents that your child may select when he behaves well

make a meal your child likes

consider gifts that would last a long time

5.   Acts of service

The acts of service are activities we do for our children. Those with this primary language appreciate it and it makes them feel loved. We serve our children, especially during the first few years of his life; when they are unable to do things themselves. But as they are older and ready, we teach them how to serve themselves and then others.

sit and help your child with homework problems

feed them when they are sick

carry your child to bed instead of saying go to bed

help fix their broken toy

Discovering your child’s love language

1.   Observe the way your child expresses love to you

They probably are speaking their love language. Do they use words of affirmation and praises you? Or do they want to spend more time with you? Or do they make you small things?

2.   Observe the way your child expresses love to others

Do they use words of affirmation and praises others? Or do they want to spend more time with others? Or do they want to give their loved one’s small things/gifts?

3.   Pay attention to your child’s most common requests

Look for questions or requests such as “see my drawing”, “let’s go out and play”, “how is my handwriting”

4.   Take note of your child’s most common complaints

Although child complaints that are frequently connected to urgent demands might not be a sign of a love language, they are highly indicative if more than half of them focus on one; such as “mommy doesn’t spend much time with me”

5.   Give your child two options to choose from

Lead your child to make a choice between two love languages often and see the pattern; such as “Should we play a game together or go to buy you a story book?”

Should we limit ourselves only to his primary love language? Definitely not! There should be a balance, but discovering his primary language just makes our efforts more effective. A child needs all the five to grow even though he craves one more than the others. He needs to learn to give and to receive love in all the languages, because as he grows he might come across people whose primary love language differs from his. If he can speak love in all languages he can successfully communicate love and gratitude to people he will be connected with in future.